miss w.

[orig. written 1.25.10]

You are soul.

I’ve been meaning to tell you—

To talk to the elephant in the room, which is binding up my questions

And tangling me into the limits of what I can ask

So that you don’t question what you probably are already questioning anyway...

I don’t know how to say this,

Because how will you know mere words are true?

They have betrayed you before.

And I’ve even prayed for purity, for fear of your insecurity

But I know I’m sure that at least in this:

My love is pure.

I want to know you because you care for people around you,

Because you think a lot more than you say,

Because you are wary but you understand a closeness that comes from struggle,

Because you want the best for everyone,

Because I still can’t tell when you’re comfortable and when you’d rather not be where you are,

And I want to get to that stage in friendship when people open up enough to be read -- at least a little…

I want to be friends with you because you don’t mind stages but you want none of the glory,

Because when you sing and you dance, I can’t help but smile—and not just a little in awe--,

And when I sing you throw things—

Because we both love to eat massively and deliciously,

Because you’re huggable,

And wise,

And not judgmental and not heavy…

And because of the hilarious joy you bring into rooms,

And the blessing you are to so many of my friends,

Because you need a friend who doesn’t give a shit about who someone’s dad is,

About who’s got money, and who’s got fame,

And I see mere humanity in everyone;

Because I want to know why you hurt and when,

And I want to hear your questions,

And I want to ask you mine.

And I know a lot more than I talk about

And I see a lot more than words explain

And it breaks my heart that you have been hurt--

That the great “glories” of this earth have been unjust to a child of God.

I don’t speak well without a backspace button. And with one, perhaps I am too honest.

If only we lived in a world where people spoke honestly

And where words from the depth of true feelings

Found their way into unsure places and spaces in our lives.

If we did, perhaps I would tell you these things.